I'm upset with myself for not being more proactive with my art. I have a million excuses for my lack of drive and will to create. However, ultimately, it is up to me to create and I'm just not doing it. I'm ashamed and I hope that I get back the artistic energy to create again, soon.
I am putting this out there so that I can't give any one person an excuse that is not legit. I owe it to my artist friends and most importantly, myself. I need to be accountable for the laziness towards my skillset. This status is just a reminder that I am fully aware of what I have promised to do with my art and I am fully capable of making these things happen. I'm just not in the right state of mind for this yet. I'm just not.
As soon as I'm ready to start doing art, there will be no "big come-back". There will be no grand stage and there will be no one waiting for it. It will just happen and I will act like it is the cycle in which an artist goes through from time to time. I stepped away from the art game for about 6 years at one point. I focused on the military, friends, fun, girls and life. I saw that art had called me back and wanted to revisit what we had and I rekindled a flame that was truly my first love. I am thankful to have art in my life and I am pleased to have met the people that I have because of art. I am a very lucky man.
It is time to be grown up about this and just put it all on the table for those of you who care enough to read this far about my struggles with motivation. I am not depressed and I am not quitting. I am just in need of some serious time away. School will get all of the artwork that it deserves out of me. My grades, attendance and studies are very important to me. I plan to use my time in college as an example for my children. I hope that one day they too can experience the wonderful things that I have and I want to give them the motivation that I do not currently have.
It is obvious that I am one heavily indecisive dude. I want to create one minute…the next, I don't. This has been a struggle for over the last year and a half. Too many people have had to deal with this indecisiveness and it is not fair. My friend Keith Braun has heard me tip the scales back and forth over this issue at least twice. My friend Florentino Santibanez has depended on me and I have let him down. Why these two even listen to me anymore, I don't know. Sean V. Harley has always kept me interested in art. Sam Hill Jr. keeps me motivated to see art. Rick Tyndall makes me love art. Black Ant makes me envy art styles. Scott Blake and Brandon Murphy make me wish I had more natural talent. Harvey Cahn makes me think of the fun side to art.
Friends like Mike Loh that really bring a new angle to art with his masks, make me wonder what could be. Julius Dean Abrera really makes me happy. This guy and I have had multiple talks about motivation and drive in art. He alone knows what I am going through. Matt Johnson has always been open to chatting and has the skill set and degree to back up his art and thought process. Avery R. Mitchell is by far one of the coolest dudes I have ever met and has always helped me see the other side to any topic. He has moments of brilliance that make me want to give up completely. LOL… Eric Wilkinson-Gilyard has always lent me great advice on do's and do not's with art and placement.
Aaron Baniewicz has always done what he wants to do with this art and it has always helped me do what I normally would not. That is one thing I love about him. Chris Crainey is always working to perfect his art and it shows the dedication that I wish I had. Chuck "Skillz" Whitehead always makes me laugh and we often share images via phone of our art in progress. Thank you for that Chuck. Moses Pedigo who tats me and gives me the idea of slamming ink into skin is a wonderful friend to have. He is there when I need him and I'm there for him. This will not change. Andrew Datboidrew Augustin has more hustle in him than anyone. I am proud to know this man. Scott Sackett is always working on something comic related and is always helping another artist succeed if he can. Scott, you are a wonderful person.
Tommy Brownell is by far one of the funniest writers I have dealt with. He can also give a scene life. He motives me to picture a scene with words…Thank you Tommy. Ocie and Anthony Taylor are really by far, the best people to travel to a show with. I had so much fun with them and I loved their families. The art is secondary and you guys will always be my friends. Brian Nicoleau is a very motivating friend. He realized that in his heart, art was not for him and pursued a career in physical training. I want his dedication, though. That dude is just remarkable. What can I say about Edward Dennis that hasn't already been said? You always will have me at your back bro. Keep up the great work. Yvonne Nicolas is by far the coolest erotic writer I have in my phone numbers. Yvonne is a wonderful friend and a talented writer that definitely deserves all of the recognition that she could get. I am pleased to be her friend.
With the thousands of artist friends that I have, it is easy to go out and find my motivations by feeding off of their energies. However, as we each already know, this is just a simple patch job, not a remedy. I need to find my own motivation. I need to be aware of what makes Kyle Chaney Jr. tick. This is, in every sense of the word, a break from art formally. I am still working on school stuff and I may dabble from time to time with a commission or quick color gig, but, let it be known….I look up to each one of you guys that I named and I plan to be along your sides in collaborations at some point. I will be someone who will put forth their best and I will be as good as the greats. I just need to find what it is that I'll be great at. Thank you to those of you who are still reading. I appreciate the chance to have your attention.